My name is Chinyere, and I was the kind of woman who believed that once someone offended me, I had every right to remove the person from my life forever.
Unfortunately, my family members were not exempted from this rule.
When I had a disagreement with my elder sister over our mother’s property, I stopped speaking to her.
When my younger brother tried to intervene, I accused him of taking sides.
Before long, I had fallen out with almost everyone in my family.
My mother cried and begged me to reconsider, but I told her I was old enough to choose the people I wanted in my life.
“If they cannot respect me, I don’t need them.” I told her.
My mother looked at me with tears in her eyes.
“Chinyere, there is a difference between protecting your peace and destroying the bridges you may one day need to cross.”
I dismissed her words and stormed out of the house.
I was married, my husband had a good job and our children attended one of the best schools in our neighbourhood.
I believed I had everything figured out.
Whenever my mother called, I barely gave her a minute.
I stopped attending family gatherings and ignored invitations to weddings, burials, and other important occasions.
I convinced myself that I was happier without them.
Unfortunately, life happened and my husband lost his job.
At first, we managed with our savings, but within a few months, our situation became unbearable.
The bills piled up.
Our landlord started demanding his rent and the school threatened to send our children home because we owed several months of fees.
In the midst of the storm, my husband fell seriously ill.
We spent almost everything we had on his treatment.
The man who once paid other people’s bills could no longer afford his own medication.
I ran from one place to another, looking for help.
I called some of our wealthy friends, but everyone seemed to have one problem or another.
One woman who used to eat in my house almost every weekend promised to call me back but she never did.
Another person told me she would help me the following week, but the week came and went.
I was drowning, and I had no idea how to save my family.
One evening, as I sat outside the hospital room where my husband was receiving treatment, my phone rang.
It was my younger brother.
I stared at the screen for a long time.
We had not spoken in almost three years and I wondered why he was calling.
Eventually, I answered.
“Chinyere, where are you?” He asked.
I tried to respond, but the tears came first.
“Why didn’t you tell us what you were going through?” He asked quietly.
“We learnt what is happening through another person.”
I broke down completely.
I expected him to remind me of the terrible things I had said to him.
I expected him to ask why I had abandoned the family when everything was going well for me but he never did.
“You’re my sister.
No matter what has happened between us, I cannot sit at home and watch you suffer.”
Within an hour, he arrived at the hospital.
He came with my elder sister, the same woman I had quarrelled with over our mother’s property.
When I saw them walking towards me, I couldn’t look them in the eyes because I was ashamed.
My elder sister sat beside me and held my hand.
“Have you eaten?” She asked.
That simple question broke whatever strength I had left.
I cried like a child.
I apologized for the insults, the accusations, and the years I had spent pretending they meant nothing to me.
My sister wiped my tears.
“We didn’t come here because you have finally admitted that you were wrong, we came because you’re our sister.”
That night, my siblings contributed money towards my husband’s treatment.
My younger brother took responsibility for some of our children’s school expenses while my elder sister made arrangements for the children to stay with her temporarily so I could concentrate on caring for my husband.
They did not solve every problem overnight, but they made sure I did not face those problems alone.
And that was when I remembered my mother’s words.
“There is a difference between protecting your peace and destroying the bridges you may one day need to cross.”
A few weeks later, when my husband became stable, I visited my mother.
I knelt before her and apologized.
She hugged and prayed for me.
“My daughter, family members will offend you.
Sometimes, they will disappoint you in ways strangers never could but don’t allow pride to turn a temporary disagreement into a permanent separation.”
I held my mother tightly and cried.
Today, my family is not perfect.
We still disagree sometimes but we have learned to communicate, apologize, forgive, and respect one another’s boundaries.
I have also learned that family is more than sharing the same surname or coming from the same parents.
It is about having people who remember you when the world forgets you, who worry when you are missing, who celebrate your victories without jealousy, and who will sit beside you when life takes away the things you once boasted about.
My dear reader, never allow a little misunderstanding to make you forget years of love.
Don’t wait until someone is lying in a hospital bed before you remember that you are siblings.
Don’t wait until your parents are gone before you wish you had spent more time with them.
Don’t allow the fight over a piece of land, money, inheritance, or a careless statement to destroy a relationship that could have been repaired with a sincere apology.
Call your mother, check on your father and reach out to your siblings.
If you are the one who caused the pain, find the courage to apologize.
If someone has genuinely hurt you, give yourself time to heal and consider reconciliation where it is safe and possible.
And if you are fortunate enough to have a family that loves and supports you, cherish them because life is unpredictable.
Today, you may be the one helping everyone.
Tomorrow, you may be the one who needs help.
When the storms of life come, the people you least expect may surprise you, and the people you thought would always be there may disappoint you.
Family is not about agreeing on everything, it is about remembering that love should be bigger than our disagreements.
PLEASE, IF YOU STILL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR FAMILY, DON’T WASTE IT. LIFE IS TOO SHORT, AND TOMORROW IS NEVER PROMISED.
In This Biography
Preacher of Peace Worldwide
LEADERSHIP BY TONY OYATEDOR
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